sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
