I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
