He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
