It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
two words...techno handjob
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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