Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
