I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize