NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
