What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
