"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hippo gnu deer
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
