we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
