There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
