It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Your penis caused this!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
