I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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