Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
