Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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