So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
