i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
