Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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