I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
