I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
