she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
