i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
