My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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