I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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