well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So squirting runs in the family.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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