Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
