Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
