The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
