yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
