SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just had sex bonerless
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
