You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
