He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
