Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
