If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
