So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize