His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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