Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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