I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
