Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
