Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
