Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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