That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Everclear isn't food dammit
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
