Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
