just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
