Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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