just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
