So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
