She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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