You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
