i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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