1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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