My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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