the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
