is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
