I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
