So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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