so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize