my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize