The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
