I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
