bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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