My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
