i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
