Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
