the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize