Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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