im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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