he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
