you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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