Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
